IT As Usual: Doing Business With A Convict


Vendor registration for IT trade conference

So here's a fun web game to play - I call it "Pin the Stripes on a Convict."

 

First, take the name of each IT vendor that your organization does business with, and then put it into your favourite search engine, but limited to the US Department of Justice's Antitrust site.  For example, try this one:

 

https://duckduckgo.com/?q=google+site%3Awww.justice.gov%2Fatr

 

If you get "U.S. vs **YourVendorNameHere**" then you're a winner!  You've just Pinned the Stripes on Your Convict!

For those of you with a competitive nature, I have some bad news - almost every player gets to win at this game.  For contrarians, how could you avoid winning?  Here's a couple of suggestions:

https://duckduckgo.com/?q=Hewlett+Packard+site%3Awww.justice.gov%2Fatr

https://duckduckgo.com/?q=Red+Hat+site%3Awww.justice.gov%2Fatr

https://duckduckgo.com/?q=Fujitsu+site%3Awww.justice.gov%2Fatr

 

But, let's suppose you are one of the lucky winners, because you probably are.  In fact, there's a fair number of our customers who will self-describe as "We're a **ConvictedAntiTrustVendor** Shop!"

So, how best to do business with your Convict?  Here's an easy 3-step plan.

  1. It's important to get to a Trusted Advisor status with your antitrust Convict - that way you'll get the best business value from the relationship.  When determining your needs, always first consult your Convict.  By preference, don't consult with independent or competitive sources - it will only confuse matters, and your Convict is certain to have hurt feelings.
  2. Take opportunities to buy things you're not certain you need yet inside a large pricing structure where you're not certain what you're paying for - commonly known as an "Enterprise Agreement."  Invariably, Enterprise Agreements with Convicts provide substantial discount rates on all the products you don't require, and will help you consume them at a rate well beyond what you thought you needed.
  3. Adopt your Convict's products as formal enterprise Standards and conveniently bypass all those difficult-to-read ISO, IEEE or IETF-style standards.  This will cut down on future reading of any interoperability documentation, as you'll have eliminated interoperability entirely.

 

Now that you've got a plan, you're ready to Champion your Convict inside your organization.  Take opportunities at meetings to drop their name, set up sales sessions for your Convict with underconvinced buyers, arrange tickets to fancy Convict conferences for your decision-makers, wear Convict-branded apparel.

But don't wear their striped stuff.  Folks might get confused as to who was responsible.

 

~The Liberator